I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
worst night to have a conscience
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
