This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize