good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
