...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
