Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
