He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
