New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
