i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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