anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
