franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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