We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
