I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
