he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
