After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
