I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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