This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
