According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
