She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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