I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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