you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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