So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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