I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
