he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
