My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
