Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
