I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
