my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize