remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
