dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
