every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
