Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
