I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
