i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My ATM looks so different sober.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sobbing to NWA
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
