yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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