oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Couch. On fire.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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