Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
