Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How does one acquire holy water?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
