My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
