Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You smell like stripper and shame
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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