Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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