didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
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Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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