Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
