the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
