Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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