are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
