Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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