i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
