I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
