saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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