can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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