Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
