you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
