FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
