im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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