Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
