i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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