I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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