im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
God, you're like boner-b-gone
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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