it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
