how can u be prego again
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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