i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
