I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
