Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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