i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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