yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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