Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
