If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am one with the molecules
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
