i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
