we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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