I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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