I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
