My first STD was from a foam party
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
