Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
