She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
